Untamed

So, I have been away for quite a while. I have still been writing my poems but for some reason, I didn’t feel like sharing them as I didn’t think people wanted to read them. I have been sharing them with friends but that is as far as it went.

Now I have realised, I need to do this again… for me, if no-one else.

I think my mental health took a dive. I took too much on this year to run away from issues in my head and I have realised it doesn’t work. Writing keeps me sane and is how I convey my feelings. I have to do it, to work out what is going on in my head.

This year, I have become a member of a voluntary organisation helping people out post disaster… it’s my dream job and I want to do this full time on a permanent basis and get paid for doing what I love. I am working full time plus so much overtime, I started Uni and am studying online and am heading off to Tanzania in 6 weeks to volunteer as a nurse.

Depression and anxiety are so hard to deal with, because no-one wants to know. It’s a very isolating illness and most days I want to lay in bed with valium as my only friend. This will take me a while to get back out of, but I will aim to post regularly again to help myself. I hate having depression. My mum used to have it and I used to wonder why she couldn’t just snap out of it… I now understand why. At the age of 42, I feel like I have given up. Given up on everyday life. I hate being around people, I hate small talk with people at kids’ parties, soccer matches etc. I hate my job and the never-ending thankless task and stress that it causes.

If you are feeling the same or having issues with your mental health, please get professional help. I am always here for anyone who wants to make contact and reach out.

Love to you all,

Delores xx