Untamed

You make me angry.

An incessant rage that sticks

in my chest,

rising up to my throat,

just waiting to regurgitate.

xxx

Years of words that would cause you hurt.

Years of hurt

that I have held on too.

Years of frustration for the little girl

that lost out on you.

xxx

Tears for the memories that stick in my head.

The women introduced

that never hung around.

Tears of watching and waiting,

for the car that never arrived.

The car that took us on a journey

of silence and awkwardness anyway.

xxx

The anger and rage still eat away.

Eat my rotting memories of you,

as they sit in the pit of my stomach.

I can feel them while they churn.

xxx

Yet, after all this time,

you still can’t change.

Now this rage and anger is to protect

my own children.

Something you could never do.

I must protect them from your lack of love,

so they don’t feel it like I do.

I always make excuses for your

pathetic behaviour.

But not anymore.

I see it for what it is.

I won’t let it hurt them like it hurts me.

xxx

You have left me with scars.

I struggle with relationships.

I struggle with men, 

needing attention because you didn’t give

a young girl what she needs to 

have self worth.

Now I self loathe.

Feel worthless and useless,

unattractive and fat.

Not good enough, that no-one will want me.

All because you didn’t.

xxx

This anger will sit.

Lie dormant inside,

curl up in my chest.

I can’t release.

To release will hurt you.

And I cant hurt you like you 

hurt me.